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Stepping Out…Scary.

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So today we’re celebrating National Women’s Day and i spent my day with beautiful ladies from church, at a ladies day event that addressed the issue of the scandals in our lives and just how God loves us and wants to use us despite those scandals. I think the one think that struck out for me was when one of the ladies was sharing her testimony with us. Ok before i go on, I must confess, I have this habit of zoning out during some preaches and I find that God would be addressing something in my life that most likely isn’t even related to what the sermon is about. sorry to all the pastors I’ve listened to out there hihihi 🙂 So back to today. So I guess for me, God was just reminding me of something that has been on my heart for quite a while now. Just how I should show or shine out His love, like I have this passion for people and this care for them that I feel has been dampened by past friendships and relations with people that have left me hurt all because I was always seeking reciprocity and I never got that and now somehow, God is just resurrecting that in me. So just stepping out, trusting God you know, laying all my fears aside. Not the easiest thing I tell you. God is always reminding me in small ways that I should never place my hopes too high in people because they disappoint just like I disappoint sometimes but that my contentment should be in God. I thank God for just how patient He’s been with me, when I’ve just been on some “I cant do this” tip He’s still there, pursuing me and taking me in steps which is pretty cool.

So this week marks the beginning of me stepping out, laying my reservations aside and really trusting God and letting Him lead me into what he has called me to do in this season. Just to end off, its amazing how God uses the most reluctant and the people who think they aren’t worth it. Never think God can’t use you because He can and He will 😀

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Beautiful things…

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So today I was walking through the streets of King, taking in the fresh air since I wont see this place for a while. I was momentarily engulfed in the sea of school children as they made their way back home from a long first day of school. oh how marvelous it is to be a varsity student!!! Haha, on my way back, I walked passed by what seemed to be 13 year olds, a boy and girl. I’m not sure but I think I’m weird. I somehow find it beautiful when a man and a woman walk hand in hand. Like wow Lord, thats beautiful :o) and a smile always creeps up on my face. But you know, I find it amazing how from a very young age, we always tend to gravitate towards the opposite sex. Little kids playing “house” and how they’d take up roles of being the “mom” and being the “dad”, the puppy love we have when we’re in primary school and how it intesifies as we grow older, wanting someone to share your life with. I’m reminded of when God said to Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone” and how He made Eve from him, to help him, to be a companion to him. That to me, is beautiful 🙂

A long walk…

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You know the saying “A picture says a thousand words? Just been taking a trip down memory lane, some good memories, some bad but just thinking of far God has taken me. I’m currently listening to a song by Fred Hammond called “All things are working” and just thinking back to some of the turmoil I’ve come out of, situations I thought I’d never get out or break free from and today, I’m standing because of the grace of God. I remember a couple of weeks ago I heard someone say that most times, people seem to think they only need the grace of God when the going gets tough and when you’re really down and out and need a sort of “pick me up” in life.  We seem to forget that it is the grace of God that keeps us standing even on the good days when we have nothing but smiles on our faces…

The title is just something I thought of just now. You know how life seems to be like this long walk and there are lots of pit stops, detours, dead ends and u-turns along the way but ultimately a destination at the end. ( Hahaha random thought: I remember this other day I was walking with a friend of mine and I didn’t know how long it would take to get there and I kept asking “Are we there yet?” I think I’ve asked God that question countless times) A smile surfaced on my face. Knowing that I’m not walking alone, God is with me like literally every step of the way and when I get tired, He’s the one lifting me up, being my strength. I think the thing now, for me is being sensitive to God’s voice, hearing Him when He’s like “slow down” or take notice of the little things He’s showing me along the way or even if maybe there’s rain and a storm is approaching and I’m beginning to be afraid, how He reassures me to trust Him.

Isn’t God awesome? 🙂

Living…

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You know you sometimes kind of wish that you could get back one of those good characteristics that you once had? I think foe me, the ones that stands out the most  are sensitivity and that deep sense of care and love for people. I guess all of us (well i definitely have) have used life and bad experiences as a scapegoat to explain or rathaer justifysomething we know we should’nt be doing. A classic example of this would be: “I’m sorry I acted that way. Things is I’ve been hurt before so i’m protecting myself”. Sound familiar? Then we expect the other party to understand and just let it go. Not to say we aren’t making a valid point but for me, for someone who wants to be like Christ, I am now asking God for grace never to use my past hurts and disappointments as an excuse not to care, to hurt people or treat them badly just because I’m “protecting my heart”. I guess for me, thats always an indication that I haven’t really gotten over stuff, really sorted out the root of the problem. Reminds me of this song I’ve been listening to quite alot over the past week and I felt it speaking to me. Its a song called Its the only one you’ve got by 3 Doors Down. I hope it speaks as much to you…

Memories have left you broken
And the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing
But so little left to fill
You’re scared to look back on the days before
You’re too tired to move on
And now you think that you’re the only one who doesn’t

Have to try
And you won’t have to fail
If you’re afraid to fly
Then i guess you never will
You hide behind your walls
Of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there’s something more
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given
Like it’s the only one you’ve got

God’s purpose over our plans…

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Last night was pretty unusual for me but it brought back a lot of memories. Over the past few months, I’ve had regular sleeping patterns and it was rare for me to sleep after midnight (I use to be such an owl not so long ago!). But yesterday was different. For some reason, I started reflecting on my life, where I’ve been, mostly in terms of my relationships with people. You know how when you’re in the midst of serious relationship and you start making promises to your partner about how you’d never leave them, that even if you did, life would never be the same. Funny how life pans out and things don’t go according to your set out plan. Yesterday, for the first time, I can actually say that God gave me peace about things that have occurred in my life outside of my “plan”. Failed relationships (well only one so far. I actually think thats a blessing), unrealised dreams like my aspiration to become a doctor and impacting people’s lives in that way and so many other things that haven’t gone my way. I know God’s got a purpose for me (although I’m not too sure what it is at the moment) and somehow, last night as I was brooding deeply, I was glad that my life and all that happens in it is up to God. Just going to end of with a scripture that a friend of mine reminded me of

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19: 21 NIV

The beginning…

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Over the past few days I’ve just been thinking of writing a blog, more of an online journal. I’m not remotely anything relating to a writer but I believe that as I write and put my thoughts down about life and my walk with God, that somewhere, out there, someone would be touched and that God would work through me for them….

Like clay in the hands of the Potter, may You work with me oh God…