There’s this one thing I’ve been trying to wrap my head around, been praying about it, wrestling with it, crying about it and in all of that, a few days ago, it became so clear to me. I needed to die. If I was ever to be free, that’s what I had to do. Have you ever experienced something, like every fibre of your being is lashing out, wanting to have some sort justice, do something that would be totally justified but you know deep in your heart, you have to do the exact opposite? Stab it a thousand times. Choose. Differently.
I was reading Shawn Mcdonald’s online journal today and it was like he took the words right out of my head.
“I feel that God has been telling me to die. I feel scared and alone at times, I don’t know how to die… My will, my wants, my dreams, need to die.”
I know God is working things out, what exactly I’m not sure but I think this is the best time for me to lean into Him more than ever. A heart of flesh for a hardened one…