Last night I lay awake on my bed, thought of a few things (unhelpful thoughts I might add) and a song crept into my mind. Israel Houghton’s Moving forward. The first time I heard this song was when 2 friends of mine were rehearsing it for a poetry/music night they were going to perfom at that evening. Many months later, its helping me.
For the longest time, I struggled with the past and all that was me then. Today, in my then bad moments of August 14th, 2012, while I was busy wallowing again (the mind though? sigh), a thought struck me. The past? Its gone. And although I knew this but it home today, God is always giving us second chances. My best friend always reminds me of a line from a song by Relient K that goes “every passing second is a second chance”. That brought me back to realising how gracious God is with me and just the love He has for me.
A few days ago, I was sharing some of the things that have happened in my life that shaped some of the things I do, wrong patterns of thinking ect. One of the ladies I was with said to me, “You do know God has a plan for you, He cares for you right?” and today I thought more about what she said I came undone. I think the one thing that God has been trying to say to me is “I’ve got you, dont worry. Trust me. Lean into me. I love you. Hold onto Me” and today I think I began to trust again. There are so many things I had put my hope in and when things began to go wrong, I began to realise how volatile things are. So now, my heart is for making God my rock.
So back to why I titled this moving forward (haha if you’ve read any of my other writing, you’ll know i’m not the most organised thinker. Bear with me 🙂 ) I’m currently listening to “Moving forward” now and there’s a line that says “You make all things new”. Regardless of how murky that past of mine is, I dont have to be stuck in reverse because of the shame and guilt (fears even) I’ve carried. I’ve got a renewed sense of hope now in that God is renewing me, making me new. So today for me is the beginnning of moving forward with God and i realise that I forget this truth but I’m hoping that every time I come back to write a post, I’ll look back and be reminded of what God is doing in me, in my heart.
A letting go, a letting God.